01 Jun Letting go of Guatemala
As many of you are aware, and I am sure an equal amount are not, we are no longer in Guatemala! I say that with a smile on my face because despite what I expected and hoped for from Guatemala, life jumped in the way again and let me know that it wasn’t going to play by my rules.
Aside from not being in Guatemala, we are not even in Central America. Our idea of travelling through Central and South America has become largely a distant memory, and although I do not doubt that we will return to that part of the world one day, for now we are heading North.
I wrote a whole post explaining how I had been wronged in Guatemala, what had been done to me, how angry I was but that I was going to try and move past it. I wrote about Yankell, my paramotor instructor, and the terrible things he had done to my engine and I, chronicling them one by one and getting angrier as my fingers tapped the keys, mashing my poor defenseless laptop as I transferred the anger from inside my head onto the computer.
It had been building in me for months this anger, and throughout our time in Guatemala it manifested as a low level tension that just would not go away. I reasoned myself through the anger and for moments would feel better about the whole thing, but inevitably I would sink back into a puddle of that awful anger which really serves no purpose.
Things got pretty heated between Yankell and I after we left Guatemala. I had to do a runner with the paramotor because I felt things were getting out of hand and that I was being overcharged unfairly.
At the opposite end of the spectrum though, is that Yankell feels he did nothing wrong and that each charge was justified and that he made no mistakes. We have differing ideas as to what kind of result should come from this situation, and those ideas have led to a number of heated exchanges between us, exchanges which have only helped build and grow the anger which has put a dampener on the last few months.
So I had written a whole post to counter some things Yankell had said about me on Facebook. I wrote about why I was right and he was wrong, I warned certain people off him and was well on my way to developing a slur campaign to tell everyone what he had done to me and what I was doing about it.
And then something changed. About 20 minutes ago actually. I was in the bathroom washing my face and it dawned on me, I was creating my own anger, I was creating an atmosphere of negativity for myself and blaming it on someone else.
It is only me who can maintain this feeling, it is only me who can grow it by continuing with what is a pointless endeavor. Wrong or right does not matter, figuring out who did what to who to lay blame only leads to more anger.
So to Yankell, I am sorry, I am sorry for the things I have done which made him angry, and if he is so inclined to offer it, I accept his apology for the things which I feel have been done to me. I wish only to resolve this thing in the most amicable way possible.
But if that is not to be, if this falls on deaf ears, then so be it, but I am done with the anger, done with the blame, and done with the past. All that has come before this is no more, we have moved on to another stage of our lives and I plan to embrace it completely.
Life is too short to spend it not being happy and I choose to be happy.