So it goes a little something like this…
“Hi,I would like to cancel my contract/change my address/sell my house.”
“Yes Sir, may I ask why?”
“Because I am leaving Australia to go traveling”
Ok, well could we offer you an upgrade/discount/new contract, or… go to the website and download the phonebook sized stack of forms, fill them out and post them individualy to different locations, supply several forms of identity, proof of address, a urine sample and just a little piece of your soul.”
“But I’m leaving in 2 weeks and..”
“YOUR NEVER LEAVING!! But, perhaps I could interest you in a loan for a shiny new bauble?
Let me go
And so it goes,every time I try and close down some part of my life which I am no longer going to need, the living breathing embodiment of society gathers together its forces of evil, and puts the smack down on any hopes of an easy retreat I may have been holding onto.
Apparently it’s not only the things you own which own you, but also the people who own the things you own. I can’t help but wonder how much of this behavior is conscious, and how much of it is the evolution of a society which needs all its pieces working, so that it might work for all its pieces.
I mean, what would happen if too many people thought, “Well, this whole working and shopping thing is a bit shite, what if I just chucked it in and…”
MAYHEM, that’s what.
Life as we know it would cease to exist, if everyone screamed “let me go!” the wheels would fall off and we’d all be using donkeys and large dogs to get around, our teeth would be cleaned with reeds and we’d use worryingly thin leaves to clean our derrieres. Heaven forbid we might even have to go back to using Playstation 2’s, standard definition T.V.s and telephones with buttons.
The beautifully evolved, self perpetuating, self maintained and inconceivably complicated puzzle that is the modern world would crumble, when you consider the scale of human endeavor it is amazing that it manages to work at all. That scenario however is not really my concern, more than likely I wont be the one that changes the status quo, and more than likely it wont happen in my time, which is ok with me. I can appreciate the world of people for it’s successes and complications, but I do not want to be a part of its failures. I have my life to live, and I intend to do so in a way that fits my mind and its own brand of non-nonsensical peculiarities.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am as prone to work addiction and the purchase of shiny trinkets as the next guy, and it has taken this change in lifestyle to realize how controlled my existence is, maybe not by a sentient society monster, but by a society which has gone the only way it could go when possessions have developed so much meaning.
We are the only creatures we know of who have developed a sense of ourselves and our mortality, and although this can be wondrous to contemplate, it can also scare the living shit out of us… out of me. So what better way not to think about our wondrously bizarre existence, and ultimately the end of that existence, than to buy the trinkets, work the long hours, and for a large portion of the population, get smashed fairly regularly and forget about everything.
It’s hard to stop and wonder at life, but it can also be hugely rewarding. My theory is that as we get older we become more aware of lifes finite nature, and as we become more aware, we start to realize how much more we could have done with it.
So rather than wait until life has passed me by before throwing my frail body at the bull with horns, I would like to get stuck in now,I would like to say, nay scream ” let me go !”. Sure the doubts are there, the fears that we are going to run out of time to have all the things most people seem to want and have at our age and beyond, but what it takes to get those things, well that bores the living shit out of me, and to be honest, after the first flush of excitement, those things themselves go the same way as the aforementioned bowel movement. It is not logical to fear the changes we are making, and it is not logical to live life the way we do right now, therefore, geterdun!
I am looking forward to traveling yes, but more so, I am all a quiver at the prospect of acceptance. Acceptance of lifes finite form, of livings lack of meaning, and it not needing meaning to be great, acceptance of my own existence being insignificant, and with insignificance not being a stumbling block to fulfillment. I hope that one day I will accept that I am, and that one day I will no longer be. If I can find this, I know I will be content, and with contentment, who needs trinkets, baubles or the houses to put them in.
I could be completely wrong, I am going to live forever, the meaning of life does exist,and the meaning is…wait for it…