Stats at day 1 – Weight: 91kg / 200.6 pounds
As stated so grandiosely in my previous post, “What would you do with a year?”, I have decided to shed a few pounds and get my fitness levels up. Over the last few years I have slowly been putting on weight, and have gone from fit to fat. Every now and then I would get back into the gym and lose a few pounds, but the frequency and vigor with which I do so has steadily been declining. And so with each passing year my base weight has increased.
I now find myself unfit, overweight, and feeling lousy for it. I have in the past trained as a personal trainer, so know all the reasons why I am where I am, and how to get back to where I want to be.
It’s the Fat Fairies you see. Every night when I go to bed, when my eyes close and I drift off to lala land, the fat fairies fly in and inject me with a 100ml of fat juice. Some people may say “watch your diet!” or “you need to exercise you fat bastard”, but I know the real reason, you cannot pull the wool over my eyes. These teeny tiny winged harlots have been following me around the world with only one goal in mind, to make me into a fat bastard, and they are winning.
Dealing with the Fairy Menace
So what is my plan of attack? Well, I could never sleep again, or buy a fat fairy swatter, or smear my body with Vaseline and sleep wrapped in cling film (a well-known fairy deterrent). But before I do so, to prove to the non-believers out there that I’m not crazy, and that the fat fairies are a menace which costs the National Health Service billions each year. I am going to run through the ridiculous practices taught to me in Personal Training School.
I am going to practice a rigorous routine of exercise four to five day per week, I am going to watch more carefully what I eat and when I eat it, and I am going to share my Fat to Fit experience with you, the reader, so that you may see the utter futility of exercise and diet. So that all the fat people out there may continue to eat shit food and laze on the couch, I will put myself through this torment, all I ask is that you thank me and look up to me as one would a God.
Fat to Fit Updates
A few times a month, I will post a progress report, more often than not with a photo (some may need to shield their eyes for this portion), some measurements and what sort of activity I have put myself through in the name of science. I will also drop in some tips and hints for any other fatties out there who want to help me prove the existence of fat fairies. It is sometimes hard to be the lone voice of sanity in a crowd of the insane, but we must endure, or sooner or later they will have us all exercising and dieting day and night, while they laugh and giggle in their cellulite kingdoms.
One small step for man, one giant indentation for fat people
Yesterday the first step was taken, Sarah and I sussed out a few gyms in the area we are staying (Centro, Playa del Carmen), unfortunately they are not cheap, running forty to fifty dollars a month, but they are very nice gyms. We ended up joining “The Gym” as they are a bit cheaper (6000 pesos for the year, about $500), because with a name like “The Gym” it has to be good, and because they have better classes for Sarah.
We are going to start on Monday, but I have to be careful, especially for the first month or so, as the neck injury I sustained last time I was in Playa del Carmen is still with me. I am hoping starting off slow with mainly cardio will help to stretch out whatever the issue in my neck is, once this is done, I can move on and incorporate a lot more weight training into the mix (which if you did not know is as crucial to losing weight as cardio).
So let the fat to fit journey begin. Soon, oh so very soon, I will have ousted the fat fairies and then everyone can give up training and eat as much crap as they like.
As promised, here is the Fat to Fit before photo, if you are sensitive or eating, don’t scroll any further…
Thank God that’s over, tune in next time when I have actually been to the gym, and done something. God, I feel knackered already.
If you have any questions about training or nutrition, please ask and I will be happy to share what I know with you, we lazy/fat people need to stick together.