My underpants are too tight, they do not fit me and it’s becoming an issue. On the flip side I suppose you could say that I am too fat and therefore I do not fit into the underpants. But on this particular occasion they were purchased too small and therefore I feel justified in blaming them completely.
You see I bought the underpants in Thailand, and Thai people are littler than regular sized people. Of course I am not an idiot and when I was in Thailand I took this into account, I bought extra extra large underpants, thinking that this would be satisfactory. I was at the time about five kilos lighter than I am now and have never in my life had to have two X’s on any garment of clothing, but this was Thailand, and they are very little people. Of course despite the exaggerated lettering on the label, they still didn’t fit, even more so now that my waist has expanded.
You might be thinking that this isn’t really a problem, I should just go out and buy new underwear. If only it were that easy. You see I am very particular about my clothing. Not fashion wise, the only reason I have any semblance of fashion is so that I don’t embarrass Sarah when we go outdoors. No not the fashion, it is the fit, I am very particular about the comfort of my clothing. I hate nothing more than having to constantly adjust various garments, or to feel stifled and restricted by badly fitting design.
In particular, underwear is a big one. It has to be tight enough so as not to feel like an extra layer, which makes me too warm and initiates butt sweats. But it can’t be so tight that It folds up into the genital area requiring the constant PDA’s (public displays of adjustment).
This is where I am having trouble. You see I have bought a few pairs of jocks in Mexico to try and fix the underpants conundrum, but they just aren’t right. Most are too small and end up disappearing in my nooks and crannies, and the rest are those enormous white cotton ones which you expect to see on very round men in their 70’s wolfing down microwave dinners in front of the TV.
It’s tough, this lack of well fitting underwear. Sure I currently have a few good pairs, and with the inside-out trick I can get an extra couple days, but even these are wearing thin from a year on the road. It is a strange predicament to have, an underwear shortage. It is perhaps my third biggest problem in life right now. It keeps me up at nights, working my underwear schedule to ensure the right activities coincide with the right underwear.
If we are going to be walking a lot, I have to be sure I wear the pair that helps with chaffing. If it’s a hot day I make sure to wear my well ventilated pants. But what if I have three hot days in a row, and it isn’t wash day yet, then what? Then I have to re-wear ventilated pants and I am going to have to wash them in the shower and hang them on our makeshift line, but what if they don’t dry in time and I have to wear the big white ones instead? Those are too warm, and I need them as my sleeping pants. I could use the anti-chaffing pants to sleep in, but then what am I going to wear on the stair climber in the gym?
It’s a headache, and that is just the underpants! I don’t think I even have the will to talk about t-shirts right now. One thing at a time. I have at least acknowledged that there is a problem and that is the first step.
The moral of the story, don’t buy underwear in countries where the locals are very small. Now please excuse me while I get back to my Excel Underpants Schedule document.