Just when you think you have an idea of what your life is going to be, reality comes along and lets you know that you don’t. This pretty much describes where I’m at right now. As some will know Sarah and I have decided to go our separate ways because it became apparent that our lives had already begun to do so long before we realized we would have to do the same.
And so suddenly I find myself a single guy of 34, living with my mum while I figure out my next move. Sarah and I were joking that I will probably just end up sitting on the couch wolfing down TV dinners while mum and I watch Goggle Box and argue about Immigrants. Fortunately those days have passed me by and I get ancy if I spend too long in one place, so the next move is definitely going to be onwards and upwards!
Before all this break up malarkey, there was already a loose plan in place, it originally involved Sarah but in reality it was my plan which I had unfairly tacked Sarah onto and was trying to get her to be happy with. That plan still has its merits, and is probably now more suitable to the life I imagined for myself than it was before, but it is going to take some adjusting to realize that all these things now need to be done on my own.
You don’t realize how much a partner influences your daily life until they are no longer there to do so, or how much you rely on them to validate your decisions and plans. So now it is just me, and as sad as I am that Sarah is not going to be there for me to laugh with, or to share the amazing experiences I am sure are still to come, or to be my back up when I am on unfamiliar territory, it is also a challenge I am trying to embrace. For the first time in my life it is just me, making decisions which affect just me. Now I get to see how much of my bravado comes from having backup, and how strong or weak I am as an individual making my way through the trials and tribulations of travel, and life in general.
I know the near future is going to be a challenge, but I am trying not to visualize it through the eyes of the weak willed young fella I was before I met Sarah, and rather by the more confident new guy she helped me become.
So there are plans in the works, and there are decisions to be made. I kind of have an idea of what comes next but for now I am trying just to focus on embracing and accepting this huge change in my life, and looking at the positives and silver linings that come with every big decision.
But most of all I am just going to try and be in the moment, wearing my stretchy pants, eating English food, and arguing with my mum over Immigrants (for now!).